DWT Short Story Contest Entry – The Boss

 

I stood there in the corner of my boss’s office. I was trying to hold my laughter from about 15 minutes. It is not so often, that your boss messes up a deal which would cost the company a hundred thousand dollars and you are the only one to witness it. It was one of the most pleasurable moments of my career.

 

Our team had been working on this deal from past 3 months. It was upto my boss and me to wrap it up. And my boss was unable to convince the client. I was happy. He could loose his job over this deal. And I would be happy to become the General Sales Manager. I was waiting for this opportunity from a very long time.

 

He stood there staring hard out of the large bay window and muttering something to himself. I could clearly see the sweat beads running down his forehead. It looked as if he wanted to jump out of the window of the 7th floor of the building and end his misery. The C.E.O. knew that the deal was supposed to conclude today. It was clear that he had to think of something very quickly, which would save his job.

 

My mind was racing fast on all the options he could be thinking right now. He could bribe me to keep my mouth shut and give a false explanation of the failed deal. It could be hike in the salary or extra perks. Maybe, it will be a promotion. I was the Assistant Sales Manager for 4 years now and always dreamt of becoming a General Sales Manager, but never thought, it would so easy. I could have my own office, have vacations in Europe on company’s expense and I would also get a secretary.

 

I was enjoying my reverie when suddenly; he broke his silence,

 

“Jim, you are fired.”

 

I was stunned. I couldn’t believe my ears. Did he actually say it or was I hearing things? He couldn’t have said that to me. Or he was just trying to rehearse what his boss would say.

 

“Are you talking to me boss?” I said.

 

He didn’t even look at me.

 

“Yes. I am talking to you. You are fired”

 

“Boss, what did I do wrong? It wasn’t my fault that the deal fell apart”

 

He took a deep breath and turned around,

 

“I never said it’s your fault, I just said I am going to blame it on you!”

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Letter For Salary Hike

One day, an employee of the company wrote a letter to his manager for increasing his salary; 

Dear Bo$$,

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.

I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.

Your$ $incerely,
Norman $oh

And next day he recieved this reply from his manager;

Dear NOrman,

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession, after the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.

Yours truly,
Patrick NOrton.

Remember The Time . . .

A computer was something on TV,
From a science fiction show of note.
A window was something you hated to clean,
And ram was the cousin of a goat.

Meg was the name of my girlfriend,
And Gig was your middle finger upright.
Now they all mean different things,
And that really is what bites.

An application was for employment.
A program was a TV show.
A cursor used profanity.
A keyboard was a piano.

Memory was something that you lost with age.
A CD was a bank account.
And if you had a 3 1/2″ floppy,
You hoped nobody found out.

Compress was something you did to the garbage,
Not something you did to a file.
And if you unzipped anything in public,
You’d be in jail for a while.

Log on was adding wood to the fire.
Hard drive was a long trip on the road.
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived.
And a backup happened to your commode.

Cut you did with a pocket knife.
Paste you did with glue.
A web was a spider’s home.
And a virus was the flu.

I guess I’ll stick to my pad and paper.
And the memory in my head.
I hear nobody’s been killed in a computer crash,
But when it happens they wish they were dead.

Reasons To Go To School

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. “Wake up, It’s time to go to school!”

“But why, Mom? I don’t want to go.”

“Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go.”

“Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!”

“Oh, that’s no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.”

“Give me two reasons why I should go to school.”

“Well, for one, you’re 52 years old. And for another, you’re the Principal!”

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‘Funny’ Is English Or English Is Funny

English is a funny language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Send shipment by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another.

Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn’t a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

Courtesy: Reader’s Digest

How To Become A Famous Blogger?

Here is an easy way I found to become a famous blogger 😀

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Thumb’s Up To Surf’s Up. . .

I saw a great movie yesterday, so had to write down something on it. This animated movie is about a small guy penguin [Cody] who wants to be a champion sea surfer as Big Z and win the Big Z Memorial surfing contest. He is picked up for the contest even though he does not surf well because of his persistence. And Cody makes new friends during his stay in the Pengu Island for the tournament, A chicken who surfs [Joe] and falls in love with a female lifegaurd [Lani]. Cody is humiliated by the then 9 times champion [Evans] of Big Z Memorial contest. He runs into the jungle and eventually meets the ultimate surfing champion Big Z who is believed to be killed during surfing in a contest, which Evans wins for the first time and Big Z is now gone into hiding. Cody convinces Big Z to train him but ultimately has a fued with Big Z since Cody is always thinking about the contest. He leaves Big Z and goes for the tournament. Cody is leading through all the rounds and now in the final round Cody, Joe and Evans are left with. Cody and Joe are leading when Evans tries to topple Joe, but Cody realising that his friend’s life is in danger, interferes and falls down in the waves along with Evans. Cody is rescued by Big Z, who comes out of his hiding. The contest is won by Joe.

The movie is a little roughly made and could have been better but still it is a must watch in my list.

Things you can learn from Surf’s up,
9. Fame, glory and money is temporary.
8. Humiliation is what you should accept, when you want to achieve your goal.
7. You can spend very less time together and be the best of the friends.
6. It takes a lot of guts to accept defeat.
5. Surfing is dangerous.
4. Once a friend, you will always be a friend even if you have the biggest of fights.
3. Winning really does not matter if it has to come by hurting somebody.
2. Friends are more important than any trophy in this world.
And the ‘numero uno’ is
1. Always have a dream and put in it everything you have got and it realises.